Some men collect numbers. Some men collect cars.
Some men collect STDs prowling in bars.
But other nice men have much cleaner desires.
They collect women’s panties from laundromat dryers.

Now this makes women angry. They think it’s a crime.
But both parties have needs, so it’s compromise time.
If you snatch women’s panties, please do what I tell you.
Leave twenty per pair – that’s a fair market value.

Victoria’s Secret costs four bucks a pair.
That’s a high value add for some panties you wear.
So show some compassion, girls. Stop all your squealing.
It’s a compliment that you have panties worth stealing.

Then everyone’s happy – the problem is solved.
There’s no need anymore to get police involved.
Leave your panties to tumble, there’s no one to catch.
And return to the profits you’ve earned with your snatch.