The girls’ belly shirt is a curse and a blessing
regardless of what kind of belly it’s dressing
when framing a flat one, it’s always a tease
on fast food fed fatties it signals their sleaze

If Jesus were real and he really came back
would he fight petty battles?
Would he wage an attack?
What would concern that rebellious jew?
I ask you, dear reader, what would Jesus do?

Would he tell us to hate and dehumanize gays?
And condemn them for loving in devious ways?
Would he scream and turn red if they wed just like you?
Is that what a loving Messiah would do?

Would his favorite women do nothing but chores?
Would he prefer the ‘pious’ – stop hanging with whores?
Would he tell them their place and praise sexism too?
Is degrading women what Jesus would do?

Would he pick up a rifle so freedom could thrive?
Would he drop bombs on kids? Would he burn them alive?
Would he torture goat herders and smear them with poo?
Are war crimes just some of what Jesus would do?

If Jesus were real and he really came back
I’d bitch slap that man like a mad whore on crack.
I’d know heaven was hell and the Devil was true
If you’re anything like what Lord Jesus would do.

I like the way you cook my food.
I like how you suck my penis.
I like how you’ve learned to shut your mouth
since your read Mars & Venus.

But baby that’s all a side dish for what makes you such a catch.
What I love best about you is your shaven, tiny snatch.

I love the way it tastes and smells
I love it when you’re dirty
I love it when it bleeds and stinks
I love it when its purty

I love to put my fingers in it even when you’re sleeping
As long as your vagina’s tight, you’ll always be worth keeping.
In fact, if you lost all your limbs and went blind, deaf, and dumb…
I’d still love you as much as now and you’d still make me cum.

Let’s never have a baby though, cause that would blow you out.
The pussy never shrinks back up, of this I have no doubt.
So save your little button hole, cause I’m not very thick.
And celebrate that gift you have by sitting on my dick.

If I could have sex with the dead
I’d start at the head
by stroking her hair
to show her I care
I’d adore her cold stare
and weave stories of lust in my head

If I could get head from a corpse
she wouldn’t get hoarse
her ears might detach
when I face fuck her hatch
but I’ll move to her snatch
and get off on how cold dead skin warps

If I fucked a stiff for a thrill
there’s no need for the pill
she can take a cream pie
or a load in the eye
or another five guys
she’d say nothing but ‘Yes!’ laying still

But I cannot have sex with the dead
because you’re in my bed
but it’s almost the same
I won’t know if you came
I’ll feel just as much shame
so I’ll probably just fuck you instead.