When a great pair of tits is placed out on display
Don’t be shy. Take a look. That’s the point. It’s Okay.
If she went to great effort to show them that way.
Be polite and say ‘Nice tits! You just made my day!’

Titty women, when you dress, please remember your duty.
Keep the tight jeans and skirts and be proud of the booty.
But take time to display your fine boobs like a cutie.
Cause a good Titty Show is the hallmark of beauty.

“Hey mang, you wanna see the biggest tits in Tijuana?”
That’s all I had to hear to step inside.
For two hours at “ChiChis” I was shocked by Christiana.
And for two hours at home that night I cried.

Those “biggest tits in town”
were on a beast that shook the ground.
She packed the biggest ass I’d ever seen.

She had mounds that draped her mounds
with a mustache thick and brown
and a gum wad snatch she shared with five Marines.

If I may be so blunt
this was Bigfoot with a cunt.
The kind of thing you just can’t help but watch.

She poured across the floors
with a dozen open sores
and flying insects darkening her crotch.

But the jarheads dined by rank
each one slurping up her stank
and a bar man gave them all a towel to share.

When Christiana had enough
she removed them from her muff
and her drippings gave the dance floor quite a glare.

She rotated like a tank
and looked right down at my crank
as she ambled in my general direction.

How my gut and stomach sank
as I braced to eat that skank -
my revulsion overcome by my erection.

All women love flowers, most men will attest
but they do more than just show you care.
Because some women love them much more than the rest.
It’s a secret I’ve found that I’ll share.

There are thousands of hot chicks all over the net
who have a some kind of flower neurosis.
They post classified ads saying ‘Fuck me, I’m wet!”
and they do it for bundles of roses!

You get GFEs, water sports, multiple pops
some freaks even make you wear a hat!
And they’ll trade it for flowers (unless you’re a cop).
Now how fucking awesome is that?!

I cleared out my yard when I first found this out
no more trees, no more grass, no more shade.
Planted two thousand rose bushes all for my ‘nads.
It’s the most brilliant plan ever made!

It’s been almost a year now and buds are appearing
I’ve already been checking the listings.
I’ll be harvesting soon, oh the big day is nearing
there are three girls trading for fistings!

Now I haven’t cashed in yet, but I wanted to share
so you guys can be a playa like me.
Wherever there’s dirt, plant some bushes right there
and start getting your pussy for FREE!

It’s time to set the record straight – it’s totally awesome to suck.
It’s a term that we’ve misused for far too long.
When a woman starts to suck, do we grimace and say ‘Yuck!’?
What’s the problem with a wet and happy schlong?

We should say ‘that sucks’ to appreciate, for sucking is so good.
We should use it the same way that we applaud.
If we spoke a little clearer, maybe we’d be understood.
What’s more awesome than a chick’s mouth on your rod?

I’ve heard it before from a number of chicks
that the problem with men is we think with our dicks.

Now I love my dick’s brain, I can’t say it’s not true.
But to think with one’s dick is a good thing to do!
I’ll try to explain, to the brain in your head.
And I’ll be very brief, there are women to bed!

It’s our instinct to fuck, and our history has inked
that this instinct has saved us from going extinct.
Just a few hundred men who had not heard your scorn
saved our species with sperm, then the Stone Age was born!

Even Genesis hinted that a deal was struck
between Adam and Eve – who’d their kids fuck?
They could not be monogamous, surely you jest!
Those folks fucked and they fucked and they did what was best.

Remember “Be fruitful”? Was God being a jerk?
Like you say that we are when we’re doing God’s work.
We spread seed like Monsanto – it’s an act of contrition.
When a man’s dick is thinking, that’s a man on a mission.

If your a girl who complains, no you aren’t insane.
You’ve explained it yourself, you’ve got just half the brains.
So relax and be grateful. Stop being so thick.
And be thankful if you’re loved by the brain in a dick.